It happened on March 5th, 2017. I turned the big four zero. It was as anti-climatic as you might expect. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t look any different. It was day number 14,610 in my life.
Then it happened. I started taking stock of my position in life. Am I where I want to be? Am I on the right track? Is my family on the right track? Am I doing everything I can to live the life I want to? I met every question with the same answer, “I don’t know.” Notice I didn’t ask, was I happy? I am. Instead, I was asking myself about the path I was on and the future I wanted to create.
That’s when I started to dig in more. I read a terrific book called Designing Your Life. I picked up The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Most importantly, I started reflecting on these questions.
One of my favorite questions was “describe what your day looks like 15 years from now.” It’s relevant for my wife and I because both of our kids will be out of the house (or at least they better be!). It will be a very different life from the one we live today.
After going through the process, I asked my wife the same question. Her response was different and quite simple. “It will be just like it is today.” After I pointed out that this better not be true, since our kids will be gone, I got a new answer. “How do I know, so much is going to change between now and then.”
I know most of us don’t think through these questions. I didn’t before this year. As the weeks went on, we got together with friends and this question came up. What was surprising was the number of negative reactions I got to even entertaining the question. But, I get it. It’s a lot more fun to focus on the now vs. the unknown.
The main argument I hear is about how we spend our time. Should we spend it in the moment or spend it preparing for the future. I don’t see this as a choice. It isn’t black or white.
When it comes to thinking about time, we have three choices. We can focus on the past, present or the future. Every day we decide how much we give to each of these buckets. I for one believe we can influence our future by making intentional choices in the present.
When I imagine the future. I want it all. I want to create amazing life experiences. I want to enjoy every second. I want to be proud of my impact. I want to do it on my terms. And when I am on my deathbed, I want to look back on a life so full of happiness, that I pass in peace.
I doubt I’m unique in this thinking. The question is how to make it a reality. Here is my approach.
Create a Past, not a Future
It’s March 5th, 2057. I am 80 years old. I’m still not a fan of birthday parties, but this one is big. I get it. All my friends and family are here, including my grandkids. They have so much life ahead of them and that gives me pause. I start rewinding my life, reliving every amazing experience. It’s been a good 80 years. It’s exceeded all my expectations. I don’t have a single regret. I only wish I could do it all over again, because it was amazing!
You see, we aren’t creating our future, we are creating our past. We are building a life that we can look back on. After all, what is the point of the present? It is to create the past. It is to build the life experiences we want. Our past is the chronicle of our life.
I for one want to write my life story. I don’t want it written for me. I refuse to go through life on autopilot. I want to build the best possible life and look back and know it was amazing. Life is too important to leave it all to chance.
Set a Direction NOT a Destination
The definition of direction is “a course along which you move.” A destination is “a place you are going.”
In life, It’s more important to be heading in the right direction, than it is to know your destination. To get too focused on a singular destination robs you from experiencing the journey of life.
As the great baseball player, Yogi Berra said, “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up somewhere else.” I don’t think Yogi was talking about getting to a place. I think he was talking about having a compass. A guiding light that you can follow through the journey of life.
Direction needs to be a combination of intention and action. You need to think about where you want to head and then take the steps to get there. Imagine life without direction. You go where the winds take you and hope you end up an interesting place. I’m adventurous, but in the game of life this is dangerous.
Be Prepared, but Don’t Worry About the Plan
Dwight Eisenhower said, “Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.” Planning is about getting ready, this is the definition of being prepared.
When you think about having a plan, you might picture a detailed outline to get to a goal. If you are taking a vacation, for example, you will plan the flight, hotel and some activities. But, if you try to plan life, life will laugh at you.
To prepare is different. It means, get ready. Being prepared is all about the things that we can control. The biggest one being ourselves.
Let’s say you want financial freedom at age 50. If that is the direction you are heading, you have to start preparing now. You might cut your spending, invest more and change your cost of living.
One of the things I imagine in the future is a great relationship with my two kids. Working backwards, I can list out the things I need to do today, to make that a reality tomorrow. For example, preparation led me to create monthly 1-on-1 dates. I don’t have them all mapped out, but I know that it’s important and I will continue to act according to the direction I set.
Being prepared doesn’t mean you can’t live in the moment. Quite the opposite. It helps you stay in the moment, and that moment takes on more meaning. Take my 1-on-1 dates. Because each one has such a strong connection to the life I want to create, I am hyper-present.
As I’ve worked through this process, I’ve taken steps to prepare for the future I want. I’ve changed my spending. I invest more time on things that have a long term payoff and try to avoid mindless distractions. I read more. I write more. While I don’t have a detailed plan, I am preparing for the future I want to create.
In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
Your Present Can Ruin Your Future
You can’t turn on the TV or read a blog without seeing someone talk about living in the present. Five years ago, a YOLO (You Only Live Once) craze set in. Kids took this to an extreme. Some using it to justify dangerous or reckless activities.
As adults, we have much more wisdom than our teenage counterparts. Yet, we can make the same mistakes, using YOLO, or being in the present, as an excuse.
Using this line of thinking, it’s easy to justify poor decisions. Forget going to the gym and grab a candy bar instead. Put that next big purchase on the credit card, you can pay it off over time. A single decision isn’t going to change your life, but compound these decisions over 10 years and you have a big problem. Over time, small, poor decisions can rob us of the future we want to create.
The goal with all this is to build the life you want to remember. Think through your values and use them to test how you live in the present. J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan, said it well, “The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.”
In Closing
I’ll be the first to admit that this is hard. It is much easier to live every moment, of every day, as if it was our last. To let the wind take us where it may. To assume our direction is correct and that we will land where we should.
Every day society works against us. It lulls us into being content. Everything is so comfortable. Life is good. Why worry about the future when the present rocks!?
Mark Twain said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
I’m not suggesting you need to change anything in your life. You may be prepared and on a perfect path. I’m not suggesting you stop enjoying the present. Quite the opposite. I want you to enjoy the present more.
What I suggest is that you pause, reflect and imagine your future self. Work backwards from the direction you set and test the choices you make everyday. If you’re off course, there is plenty of time to make a change. The future we create is up to us. Here’s to making it great!
