Integrity means to be true to who you are, what you say, and what you believe. It develops through life’s tests, and how you respond to those tests defines the person you become.
Three Recommendations
Do what is right even without observers. Your character is defined by what you do when no one is watching. If you only do the right thing when others are looking, that’s not integrity – that’s performance.
Decide your values before facing difficult situations. When you know what you stand for before the pressure hits, the decision is already made. Trying to figure out your values in the heat of the moment rarely ends well.
Avoid creating circumstances that complicate moral choices. Put yourself in positions where doing the right thing is easy, not hard. The best way to resist temptation is to avoid it altogether.
Lessons from Experience
As a child, I shoplifted despite knowing it was wrong. Eventually, police got involved. That experience taught me how quickly small compromises can escalate.
In contrast, my older brother’s sobriety at parties during our teenage years influenced my own decision to refuse alcohol. Seeing integrity modeled by someone I respected made it easier to make the right choice myself.
In 2006, while running for City Council, I declined a $1,000 campaign donation from a developer. I recognized that accepting it might create unnecessary pressure on future voting decisions. The money wasn’t worth compromising my independence.
The Slippery Slope
Small moral compromises lead to increasingly larger ones. Clayton Christensen captured this perfectly: “100% of the time is easier than 98 percent of the time.” When you make exceptions, even small ones, the next exception comes easier. Before long, the exceptions become the rule.
Commit to your principles absolutely. It’s actually simpler than trying to negotiate with yourself about when it’s okay to bend them.
This post is part of a series of letters to my kids. My goal is to reflect on and capture as many life lessons as possible.