You don’t realize it, but every day your experiences and actions are shaping who you are. And you still have so much ahead of you.
Along the way you will find tests – some small and some big. You will have situations that test who you are. How you react shows your integrity.
The definition of integrity is to be true to who you are, what you say and what you believe.
Over my life I had many of these tests. I passed a lot and failed a few as well. Like any test, you need to prepare in advance.
Start with these three tips:
- Do what is right, even if no one is watching.
- Make up your mind, before you have to make a decision.
- Don’t create a situation that makes the test harder.
When I was young, maybe 10 or 11, my brother and I were finally old enough to stay at home alone. It was one day after school and boredom had set in.
One of our friends was over and we were trying to come up with something to do. Then the idea hit. We could go to a nearby store and take a few things.
Stealing is 100% wrong. I knew this, even at a young age. That little voice in my head said “oh don’t worry, you won’t get caught, no one is even here.” That was the first mistake.
The second mistake was knowing that it was wrong and doing it anyway. It was a double failure and I was going to pay for it. So we headed off on our mission, made it back successfully and then Mom got home.
As Mom’s usually do, she found out. The next thing we knew, there were cops at the door. This was not good. In my mind, we were heading to jail. This particular officer was a friend of my Mom’s and he came over to scare us straight.
So remember, when your brain or something deep inside tells you it is wrong. Listen to yourself. Even if everyone around you is telling you to do it anyway.
One way to help you in these situations, is to make up your mind before you have to make the decision.
When I was in my third year of high school, my friends were experimenting with drinking alcohol. Lucky for me, my brother was a few years older and had already been through this. He was a great role model.
I saw that he never drank, even at a big party he threw, that he wasn’t supposed to be having. Everyone there was drinking, but not him. The way he acted, helped shape my opinion of how I wanted to act.
So, when my friends offered me a drink, it was easy to say no. It didn’t matter what everyone else was doing, all that mattered is what I wanted to do. Or in this case, did not want to do.
Integrity tests are hardest as a teenager. It is a time when everyone wants to belong. While you are working to become part of some group, you may sacrifice who you are.
My best advice is to think about who you are, ahead of time. Then imagine the situations that will test you. By picturing these events, you can practice doing the right thing in your mind. Then when it happens, your decision will be easier.
Another way to do well on the integrity test, is to make the test easier. In other words, think about how the decisions you make today, might create a problem down the road.
Back in 2006, I was running for City Council. I needed to buy large signs for around town, smaller yard signs and mailers. It ended up costing about $2,000.
While I was at a community event to meet our neighbors, someone approached me. They wanted to give me $1,000 for my campaign. Nothing about taking donations like this is wrong. But, I said no.
You see, this particular guy was a large developer in our community. The instant he made the offer, I pressed fast forward in my mind. I was trying to see what might happen a few years from now.
What I imagined, was him coming to a meeting and expecting me to vote his way. While the vote would still be my choice, I didn’t want any unnecessary pressure on my decision. I wanted to always vote based on what I thought was right.
All these things are a slippery slope. If we did not get caught shoplifting, we may have gone on to take something bigger the next time. One drink at a party would become 3. A single donation from a developer might become a larger gift down the road. Don’t get caught in the “just this once” way of thinking. It is a suckers path. Once you take the first step down the wrong path, the next one is easier. And that cycle keeps going. Before you know it, you won’t even recognize yourself.
Clayton Christensen talks about this in his book, How Will You Measure Your Life. He sums it up this way. “100% of the time Is easier than 98 percent of the time.”
Trust me, this is NOT easy. You will find times when you want to make the wrong choice. You need to work on this, your entire life. But as they say, “do what is right, not what is easy.”
This post is part of a series of letters to my kids. My goal is to reflect on and capture as many life lessons as possible. Here is the current list I am working from
